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The concept of love has been discussed, dissected, and deliberated by philosophers to poets; everyone has had their interpretation of this powerful emotion. One profound perspective provided by Thich Nhat Hanh, "You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free." This concept is difficult to grasp by many, but, if you get this right and believe it to your core, it becomes so powerful.
So let's dig deeper into what this truly means and why it is paramount for sustaining meaningful connections.
Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese Zen Buddhist monk, was a teacher and peace activist born in central Vietnam and active in the anti-war movement during the Vietnam War. During the conflict, he was instrumental in advocating nonviolence and reconciliation. He built the Plum Village Monastery in France, where he pioneered "Engaged Buddhism," which combines traditional contemplative practises with active participation in social causes. Thich Nhat Hanh has inspired many people worldwide, making him among the most respected spiritual teacher and leaders of the twentieth and early twenty-first century.
Essence of True Love
The most actual form of love doesn't possess, suffocate, or confine. It's love that doesn't see the other person as an object or a means to an end. True love respects individuality, celebrates differences, and allows one to grow.
When you love someone, it's not about chaining them to your ideals and expectations. Instead, it's about giving them the opportunity for them to be authentically themselves, with all their imperfections.
Free Love through Freedom and Individual Growth
Imagine a bird held captive in a cage; no matter how ornate or luxurious that cage might be, the bird is still not free. True freedom lies in letting the bird fly, explore, and return by its own choice. Similarly, in relationships, when we provide our loved ones with the space to grow, explore, and evolve, we are allowing them the freedom to be their true selves.
This freedom can manifest in several ways:
Pursuing Passions: Supporting your partner's dreams and passions even if they don't align with yours.
Personal Space: Recognising the importance of solitude and personal time.
Independent Decisions: Allowing your loved one to make decisions without undue influence.
In providing this freedom, we inadvertently nurture their soul, enabling them to flourish.
Fear of Letting Go
While letting someone be free sounds poetic and idealistic, it is often accompanied by fear. What if they find someone better? What if they grow apart from me? What if they change? These are genuine concerns, and it's human to feel them. However, real love is also about trust.
By trusting them, we give them the freedom they need, and in return, we foster a bond that's not based on fear but on mutual respect and understanding.
Navigating the Balance
The idea isn't to detach or distance oneself but to strike the right balance between intimacy and independence. Recognising when to step in and when to step back is essential. Getting this right, empowers the relationship in many ways. As partners, friends, or family, our role isn't just to be a safety net and a cheerleader on the sidelines, cheering for our loved ones as they embark on their journeys.
Benefits of a Free Love
Deepened Trust: When you allow someone the freedom to be themselves, it builds unparalleled trust. They understand that your love is not contingent on them meeting certain expectations.
Richer Experiences: By giving and receiving freedom in a relationship, both partners can bring richer experiences, stories, and learnings.
Reduced Pressure: A relationship without undue pressures and constraints will likely thrive. Both individuals can breathe, knowing they're valued for who they are, not who they "should" be.
Enhanced Personal Growth: Freedom is the soil in which personal growth flourishes. When both partners grow, so does the relationship.
Final thoughts
To love in such a way that the person you love feels free is the most selfless act of love you can commit to. Respecting your partner's individuality, cherishing their dreams, and standing by them, not as a shadow but as support. In a world that often confuses love with possession, it's important to remember that the strongest bonds are forged not in chains but in understanding and freedom.